I have to admit that this past week and 1/2 I've been feeling the angry bug creeping in me more than I have liked! Today I was feeling very committed to being a patient mommy and to remember that I really do LOVE and CHERISH my 3 children! :) With God as my help - today has been MUCH better.
Often I know what to do...it's just that parenting with patience takes well...A LOT of patience!! It takes self discipline, selfLESSness, and active involvement. Parenting from the couch just does NOT work....it never has but somehow I still seem to try! :)
Today we went to Walmart at 11:30 - could have been disasterous but I asked the Lord for His help and it was great...we even laughed a lot! When issues arose - which they did...I addressed them - looked into the lovely faces of my children and dealt with it!
I am NOT trying to sound like I have it all together...wow that is so far from the truth. I think I've said this before but the more kids we have - the more I realize how MUCH I have to learn! I am writing this because I called Clint on the way home from Walmart and told him that I used a parenting technique that I learned from him!
If the kids asked for something in a whiny voice...I told them they would have to wait 2 minutes until they could even ask again. If they chose to whine or fuss during that time - they would not be given the privalege to even ask. Too often my kids ask for a drink (for example) but they whine about it instead of asking nicely. I usually address the whining by just telling them to ask nicely or the ever popular "Now how should you ask?" but then I used to just give them the drink right away. I felt like Clint had hit on something good by making them wait a couple of minutes before getting the opportunity to ask again. Funny thing is - when I told Clint that I had used HIS idea - he just laughed and said "Oh, actually I learned that from you!"
I guess we make a good team! :) So how about you - any good parenting tips you want to share! I always interested in learning more!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Learning from each other...
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8 comments:
I don't really have any advice for you because I'm kind of new at this discipline thing. It is such a comfort to me to know that other moms struggle with patience too..as we talked about Sunday! I wanted to let you know that this week I have been praying more for patience and just praying to be a godly mom and this week has been so much better! Noah still acts up, but I think that my attitude in the situation really affects how he is going to respond to my discipline.
With only one so far I am not facing what you are, but I have been an nanny of three so I know somewhat what you are dealing with. That waiting thing is a GREAT idea.
It is SO hard not to give them what they want so they'll stop. Just last night Jadon saw me get a banana out but then walked away from him to get a knife to cut it up, he SCREAMED!!! LOUD!!! My first reaction was to hurry up to give it to him so he'd stop. But I didn't, I just tried to teach him the sign for "please" until he stopped screaming, then, after a minute he got it. But man it's hard!! My experience with children though has been that our hard work will pay off. The more we work now the. . . hum, I don't want to say "easier" but, the more rewards for mommy come later.
;) hopefully ;)
;) prayerfully ;)
Also, I am a big believer in boundaries. I think we need to keep boundaries with our kids for ourselves, just like with anyone, to keep our anger down. We have our needs, our health, our sanity to keep in order to be a good mommy to them. If they are running all over us all the time, we'll loose our patience.
But, then again this is only coming from an education experience, not mommy experience quite yet. In a few years, I'll probably call you crying Jami, asking you to laugh with me at what I am saying now!
I hope you have a good day today in the Christmas Season with your kids!!
Ethan has begun the whiny voice thing...SO frusterating! I get down in front of his little face, put his sweet little cheeks in my hands and tell him to look at mommy...I say, I cant hear you when you whine so you need to ask me nicely...he then looks at me with his precious big blue eyes and says "pwees mommy, cookie" and I melt : ) I think, YES, we did it...he understands! Then an hour later we do it all over again. I think about 15-20 times a day we do this...but I definitly think consistency is the key! I love your statement "Parenting from the couch just does not work" SO true!
I love the "I can't hear you" method. I just look at Noah and tell him that the whiny voice is so annoying that a filter it out...I can't even hear it and will ignore it. I tell him when he's ready to talk normal he can ask again. If he just says please I look at him confused...I don't know what he wants from just that much information. If he melts down at a "you can't have that right now" moment, he has to go to his room to cool off and can come back out when he's ready. Otherwise I lose it and get really mad. He usually emerges in a much better mood and I have time to cool down as well. We're working on the concept of authority as well...a big deal because Noah started talking to me like we live in a democratic home. I told him about my authority...God, the police etc. and that Luke and I are his and Adrian's right now. He seemed to catch on to that because he's really into cops...they stop by our place now and then you know. =o)
Ann
Ann- I really like you're idea of having the kids go to their room to cool off. That is such a good way to allow yourself to cool off too...great suggestion!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your constant encouragement!!! KEEP PRAYING!!! I know you know the feeling of one day feeling so positive.....and the next day feeling like it is never going to happen. I know the Lord knows Eliana's steps. I keep begging Him for patience. Pray for a miracle tomorrow.
Love,
Lindsey
All I have to share is from nannying .. .and what I've heard (so I'm sure I have MUCH more to learn!!!). Two things .. .
with nannying I found it to be very effective when I took the time to kneel down to be face to face when addressing one of my kids. They were much more responsive as opposed when I tried to "nanny from the couch" (that phrase is so good Jami . . .and easy to try and do.) They were much more apt to listen and change behavior.
the other thing I heard Heidi R. share her sister-in-law does that I think would be so effective is when a child gets in trouble, she tells them to meet her in her bedroom. Sometimes she follows a minute later, sometimes 20 minutes later . . .but it allows her to get her emotions under control before addressing the situation. I can see this being good for me. : ) Of course, you can't tell a 1 1/2 yr old to "meet me in my bedroom" . . .
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