Simply Resting

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the importance of resting.

I'm learning to rest in my Jesus. As much as I want to live with my hands open to Jesus, I've realized in these past few days just how much I've been trying to hold on to control.

Last week I called our agency back about the baby boy who was severely handicapped. I didn't go into detail in my previous post about him. What I know now is that the MRI of his brain show dead spots. Our social worker Karen explained that (unless God performs a miracle - which He could do) he would never speak, just make noises and would be wheelchair bond. He would likely not even live past his 20's. This is all a result of drug use throughout pregnancy.

Karen went on to explain that they were still doing some tests in order to fully diagnose his needs and then asked me if she should call me when they have complete info. on him. I said yes.

So of course this situation has been on my mind a lot. The verse, in Ps. 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" has brought a lot of comfort to me. If I am delighting in Him - He will change me and line up my desires with His.

I was reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan the other night and so much of what he said made me think about this baby boy. I started to fear as I asked the Lord - really, really could you be asking this of us?

The next morning I woke up feeling very unsettled and fearful. I even dreaded reading the Word and spending time with my Lord because I was afraid He might say "Adopt this baby."

The Lord reminded me though that fear does not come from Him. 2 Timothy 2:7 says "God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline." And "There is no fear in Love but perfect Love casts out all fear." I John 4:18

So I sat down on my front porch with the Lord and prayed that I would be able to simply enjoy Him. Very quickly though, I came a cross a verse that made me think of this baby and wondered, Lord are you asking us to adopt Him?

Once again I "closed my hands" and tried to take control, to figure this out and once again I started to fear.

It was right at that time that the Lord brought my husband home! Clint just "happened" to stop by for a few minutes. Ah, I love my Jesus!! He knew I needed to hear His wisdom from my man - and as soon as Clint came out, I started crying. "I'm just feel so weak..." I told him.

My good man has no trouble telling it like it is and I believe his words to me were something like, "Jami, you're missing the whole point! God is not asking us to search out an answer yet. He just wants you to rest in Him, to trust Him and to get to know Him more." (Karen was not waiting for an answer - after they made a complete diagnosis of this baby's needs she would call again and then we could start asking the Lord for specific guidance but not now.)

I realized that I was still trying to hang on to control. I was trying to figure out what in the world He is calling us to. And I was left feeling fearful, confused, and discouraged. Fear, confusion, discouragement: this is not the life God calls us to as Christians, my friends. He came to give us Abundant Life!

Our pastor talked about the apostle Paul on Sunday. Paul's circumstances were extremely difficult and yet His passion for the Lord was completely evident. He "should" have been depressed, sullen, unable to stand the pressures, but because God empowers those He calls, Paul was joyful, passionate, and wholeheartedly devoted to the Lord!

He said himself in 2 Thess 3:3 "the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one...." Then in vs. 5 "May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ."

What a God we serve!!

On another note - I also found out from Karen that she recently showed our profile to a birth mom so who knows what will happen!

All I know is that when I think of the realities of adopting this baby boy I feel fearful. On the other hand, when I think about the fact that this other birth mom might choose us, I feel excitement yet also a little unsettled.

But, when I just focus on my Lord, the One who has a specific plan for my life and who loves me more than I can fathom - I feel JOY! Pure joy!

And so this is where I'm at right now. I have no idea what my tomorrow will hold but I'm clinging to Jesus. So this is my prayer - that I can "take every thought captive" and when I am tempted to fear or to try and figure out my future - I will instead open up my hands and place my burdens in His strong arms.

I hope that you too will find rest in Him today, my friends! He is the Only One who sustains us!