Moment By Moment Dependence

The Lord has been teaching me so much during our season of waiting. He has also had to reteach me lessons I thought I had learned.

Recently, my heart felt heavy - heavy with disappointment, frustration, and anxiety over our adoption situation. I am preparing a talk that I will be giving in a few weeks about God's love and I was struggling with that very thing. It seems this always happens, when the Lord gives me a topic to speak on, I struggle more in that area than usual. I was in a battle. I could feel it, but I couldn't quite find my way out.

For those of you wondering, we still have not heard anything from our social worker. I don't completely understand why she isn't calling us back. Most likely, she doesn't believe we're the family for these kids. I have released them into God's hands, I truly just want them to be in a loving Christian home - ours or somebody else's. I just want them to be home.

Anyway, I was fighting a lot more fear than usual. Fearing that our journey would not end "happy" - which obviously is not what we're to be striving for anyway. Fearing pain and difficulty. In reality - I was fearing that God's best wouldn't be good enough. Fearing that He would not satisfy. I hated the way I was feeling and yet I was having trouble latching on to the joy of the Lord. I felt weak -like my faith was being tested.

I recently cried out to the Lord asking Him to come in and renew my spirit. It took faith to believe that He really would show up - even though I've seen and experienced Him doing just that countless times. I related a lot to the father in Mark 9:24 who said, Lord, I believe but help my unbelief.

I got down on my knees and once again surrendered everything to the Lord. My fears, my concerns, my unbelief, my questions, the 3 kiddos, my frustration, my bad attitudes....

It felt almost physical, the burden that was lifted from my shoulders that day.

Beth Moore once said something like, "God is the closest when you can't see Him." I immediately thought about when my kids run into my arms and bury their little faces in my shirt. They can't see anything in front of them, only darkness and yet I am there - closer than ever.

The way ahead of us is dark. I do not know the plan. I have no idea. But I take great comfort in the fact that God will light the path just in front of me. He will show me the way to walk.

"Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21

Moment by moment dependence.

Total surrender and resurrender.

It is not my job to figure out how or why or when. I just need to follow where He leads.
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I must allow His arms to hold me and bury my head in His chest. He will never fail. He will never disappoint. His plan is always perfect. And when I'm tempted to believe anything else, Lord help my unbelief.

What about you? Is your faith being stretched right now? Do you have questions, concerns, fears? Go to Him, call on Him. Ask Him to come renew your energy and strengthen your faith. Don't allow the Enemy to gain a foothold in your heart. Even if you don't FEEL it, believe Jesus. Dive into His word and allow Him to fill you up. He will strengthen you, my friends. He will. I love you dearly!

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. John 1:2-4