You know they say that when you get married you find out how selfish you really are. Then you have a kid and you realize it even more. Add on two kids and wow! I AM A SELFISH PERSON!!!
Another unfortunate thing I've realized is that I can feel QUITE ANGRY QUITE ALOT! :)
When I had Paige - I didn't feel this so much but then along came Raegan. I remember rocking Rae to sleep as a newborn...she would be just about asleep and in would walk my little 2 year old Paige..."MOM, I need.... or whatcha doing?" At this point I would try to quietly shoo her out of the room before Raegan woke back up but undoubtedly Paige would only get louder and closer! Then I would feel it - ANGER!!
I've experienced the same thing again now that we have 3 kids. I am more tired in general, thus more quickly irritable and angry! This is something I have been feeling convicted about lately... I find myself reacting rather than responding too often.
I know all the right answers...I have read many books. Most of them I read while Paige was in the womb though so it would probably do me good to reread them! :)
I am seeing more clearly that when I get angry, it is primarily because I am being SELFISH with my time and I am tired! I feel angry when I am trying to take a nap and my kid comes down 40 times from quiet time! I feel angry when I am trying to browse in Walmart and my kids start screaming. I feel angry when I am trying to BLOG and my girls are yelling "MOM MOM MOM" over and over!
I have decided to consciously work on this issue because I want to be a better mommy and I want to shine the light of Jesus to my kids. I am leaning on Christ and asking for his patience daily (or more!) I also need to stop and take care of the situation before I get upset. So often because I don't feel like dealing with whatever it may be - I wait until I start getting annoyed and upset...then I often don't handle it as effectively or lovingly as I should.
So today was a good day! We actually went to 3 grocery stores....(crazy or stupid some might say) but to save some bucks, it had to be done - anyway, I tried to just enjoy my kids but also be swift to deal with issues. If they weren't listening or staying close - there was a consequence right away. I am constantly reminding myself to trust the Lord and ask for his strength and not to try to do it on my own. My kids are so precious to me...(sometimes I need to say this to myself too) and this job, being a mom is what I've always wanted! It is a lot of work and it tests me to my limits but I am honored to be Mommy to my 3 kiddos!
I hope this post has not sounded over dramatic. I do not feel the need to be admitted to "ANGER" ANONYMOUS or anything! I just want to be real and I am assuming (and hoping) I am normal in this! What is your experience?
9 comments:
You are not alone, my friend. I had QUITE a day with Benjamin today and I kept thinking, "What is wrong with me?" I'm not sure why I have been quick to anger lately but I don't like it and I am praying about it as well. I would like to chalk it up to adoption stress but I hate excuses and therefore I need to be patient with my precious son even when he loves to test my limits. Glad I'm not the only one!
Thank you Jami for being so honest! I knew there was a reason I liked you!!
You are totally not alone. Thank you for helping me feel less alone too. You actually have helped me deal with some anger by telling me that it's okay to walk away when I feel the anger taking over (remember, right when we came home and we were talking about getting the boys to sleep).
I think it is important to talk to God about our anger. Sometimes it isn't just our selfishness, but something we need to deal with someother way and God can helps us see what that is, and of course, he can also help us deal with our selfishness too.
I have to remind myself that Jesus didn't die for our sins while thinking we could keep ourselves from ever sinning. So our sinful hearts don't surprise him. A lot of times I don't talk to him about it because I feel so guilty for being so angry at such a sweet little gift of a boy.
Thanks again for being so honest, and encouraging other's to do so too.
-Jess
Boy, you are not alone. I am feeling very convicted about this very.same.thing. Going from a couple to a family of three overnight has been HARD. The hardest thing I've ever done. And I too get angry when K. won't stop crying, or won't eat, or won't sit still for more than two minutes. I've been talking to God a lot lately, asking Him for help. Thank goodness I know He walks beside me always, otherwise I am sure I'd be a complete basket case.
Thank you for being open and honest! You're a light shining through!
Thank you for being vulnerable Jami! You are definatly not alone. I think anyone who has the name "mom" attatched to them has experienced anger at some point (or will be soon!). I remember a friend who had a daughter about one year older than Trav telling me how angry she was at a situation with her daughter. I remember thinking, "wow, she has an short fuse." Travor was 6 months then, what a naive thought!! I have told her my thought and how much I have ate my own words :) She is a gracious friend and we laugh about it now!
As I see issues in my kids, I see many more of mine own...it is good (not easy) to know that God is sanctifying us thru our parenting.
Love you, Jill
There is a great book out there called "She's gonna Blow" by Julie Ann Barnhill. It is a very good read for those with minor and major anger issues.
I'll admit, I never thought I had anger issues until I had multiple kids. God has definately used them to purify me. And, I think your right Jami, a lot of it comes down to selfishness.
I sincerely appreciate your honesty and thank you for sharing.
I haven't gotten myself to think to much about what it will be like when #2 arrives, partially b/c I don't want to get overwhelmed before it starts, but also b/c I want to enjoy the last bits of just me and Morgs. I am sure you can give me many tips!
I think in the beginning of this whole journey to motherhood, I became very depressed b/c I realized very early on, in fact before she was even born, that there is no more "me" - it is her and Kyle that I serve and if there is time for me later than it is a bonus.
I do very little for myself, b/c I don't have Kyle around to help me most of the time due to the nature and level of his position. But I do try to take advantage of when he is around to go grocery shopping and other errands that need to be done without her - mostly b/c I have had so many embarrassing moments that I try not to take her out like that if at all possible. Maybe Clint could help you on the weekends by watching the kids while you shop.
I have been angry too, but mine tends to center around my strong willed and obstinent child that I don't know what to do with most of the time. I feel lost and frustrated and nothing tends to work. It has kept me on my knees in constant prayer and close to Jesus. In fact, she is covered in prayer between me, my church, small group and CBS class.
When I feel myself getting too angry, and she is misbehaving she goes in time out until we all cool down. I don't want to be like my mom who yelled all the time. I want to be as collected and rational as a parent as I can while I am teaching her. Thankfully for about the last week or so, we have had much more "normal" behavior and it has been such a blessing.
I think anger too can sometimes be a way of trying to tell us, we need some alone time to recharge. Whether it be in the word, resting, or browsing walmart. I think we can give our kids our best when we have had that time to refresh.
It is nice to know that I am not alone in my battle with angry moments, especially when it seems no other mom has gone through the things I have with my strong willed child!
Very well said, Jami!!
The first night we were home with Madalyn, Greg and I finally got her to sleep, then he went on to bed; the next thing I know, I'm on the floor sobbing next to our dog, Duke asking, "what have I gotten myself into??" It was my selfishness colliding with my selflessness. It was quite earth-shattering!
We're slowly getting the hang of things, but boy does she sometimes try my patience! I think I've had to adjust to the physical reactions more than anything: the blood rising, the faster heartbeats, my shoulders tightening...it's been a shock to my system. It also probably doesn't help that I'm sleep deprived and living off of Diet Coke!!!
Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts on a very real side of motherhood...I feel much better!!
Love you so much!!!
Kristin
It is so encouraging to hear that other moms struggle with it too! And I love how you are so transparent about it. Too often I tend to put on my "happy face" out in public and pretend "Oh of course 'I' never do that." But in reality, it is something I have really been struggling with since having Jake. We moms need to hold each other up and talk about these things! Thanks for being so open!
So good to read your post. =o) Boy do we all deal with anger as kids start taking over the house. I have found that I'm most like a volcano when I want to get something done. So I either need to not do much for the next 20 years or figure out how to slow down and do it in a lot larger time frame. =o) Thanks again for the post.
Ann - lukeannandboy.blogspot.com
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