And the Rollercoaster Ride Continues...

Hello all. First of all I want to thank you for the input you gave me in my last post. I actually spoke last night on the topic (Rest For The Weary Soul) and your insights were helpful!

On another note: Our Adoption

2 weeks ago we learned that we there was a birth mom (BM) who was looking at our profile. Ours and 12 others! Honestly, I never mentioned it here because, well the more I share, the more I get attached to the thought and the more vulnerable my heart. I just didn't have it in me.

I have been feeling though like I needed to put it out here because this is all part of our journey, the ups and downs, the joys and the disappointments. (Hopefully it can be an encouragement to you and your prayers and comments are such an encouragement to me - God is faithful through it all.)

It went about a week before we heard any more about any decision and honestly I felt like it wasn't going to happen. Too much time had passed (I thought) and I was preparing my heart for another let down.

Then I got an email from our social worker that said we were one of 3 that this BM was considering. My heart started to hope again. I continued to open my hands to Jesus and let go of my will but my heart longed for this to be our time.

I felt excitement and nervousness everytime this situation crossed my mind (which was a lot). I constantly resurrendered my thoughts because the more time I invest in dreaming, the greater the hurt if it doesn't happen. Honestly, I just kept giving my heart, my will, my desire back to the ONE I love more than anything.

Today, I emailed my social worker to see if she had any news for me. And today, our roller coaster ride took another big drop.

The birth mom chose another family.

Oh friends, this is hard. I'm disappointed but yet I know that He has a better plan. But it doesn't mean the tears don't fall. They fell quite a lot today. It's just hard to wait, not knowing how long He will call us to wait.

And there is more news. There is another BM - due in November. November 2nd! In the next week, she is going to be looking through our profile and choosing a family.

I'm excited by the thought and yet I feel tired - emotionally just tired. Today's been kind of a rough afternoon in general. It's interesting - I spoke last night on the importance of rest - soul rest really. But then like a fool, stayed up till midnight (watching my pre-recorded favorite show - Biggest Loser!) I told Clint I couldn't take even one "I told you so." He refrained. Good for me. Even better for him!

Then I got the email and I just feel tired. Praise the Lord He loves me through the good and the bad days and He is here. In fact, as soon as I got the email I went right over to the couch and layed down. I told him my disappointment and I felt His love. I just LOVE Him!

So here we are again. Hoping, trusting, wondering, waiting. Thanks for your prayers my dear friends! They are greatly appreciated!