On September 1st we found out that there was a Hispanic birth mom who was going to be looking at our profile. She was due in January. Then on the 16th of this month we found out that she chose another family. At the same time we also found out that there was another birth mom who was going to be looking at our profile.
It's been nearly 2 weeks since then and she hasn't made a decision yet. Last I knew she still was considering us but had asked if there were any other profiles to see. The Lord has been talking to me a lot about trusting in His timing. He reminds me through many things I read and hear that He LOVES me and has it all under control but the waiting is hard.
And I feel for this sweet young birthmom too. Obviously she is struggling over this decision. It's most likely the toughest decision of her life. Sometimes I feel so selfish as I struggle through this time. What about her? What is she thinking right now? What is she feeling? Will you please pray for her?
For me, it's a different kind of waiting when I know we're being considered then when there's seemingly nothing going on. I know that I will hear an answer (yes or no) sometime very soon and that's exciting and scary at the same time. I am constantly giving my heart to the Lord. I get flutteries at the thought of this being our baby and then in the same moment I remember that this very well might NOT be our baby and I get this sinking feeling in my stomach. Then I open up my hands and give my will to Him.
I am starting to feel impatient and yet I want to just embrace this time too. I don't want to live life wishing and hoping for the next thing, but heart longs for my baby too. It's such a struggle at times and yet I have so very much to be thankful for.
One of my many blessings is my sweet Paige.
On Sunday we were sitting together in church and she showed me her worksheet from Sunday school.
I looked at her work and wrote. "Great Job!" Then I continued to write things like "You are special," "I love you," "I think you're grrrrrreat!"
Then she grabbed the crayon and with a gleam in her eye, starting writing. Being the "words of affirmation" type girl that I am, I was excited to see what she was going to say to me.
This was it, her first words. Do you see it there, right in the middle...
Yes, that's it. Her loving words to her mommy were, "you are right."
Fortunately for me, she did go on! :) She wrote, "You are crazy." "You are fun." "I love you Mom!"
One I really liked was, "you are cool!" I liked that a lot!
Yes I have a lot to be thankful for! :)
So today I am going to consciously thank Him for my precious blessings. And I'm going to praise Him for what He is doing and will continue to do as we travel through this journey called adoption.
9 comments:
Praying for the birth moms making their huge decisions. Praying for you as you wait. LOVE that you are treasuring your blessings while you are in the waiting room. Paige's "We'll Trust YOU" prayer from last post continues to bless my heart. Lots of wisdom in that little package. =)
can't get my blogger id to work tonight - atcunning
Praying for you as well....as we go this time of 'waiting.'
Praying for you in this season of waiting.
Oh Jami, I feel for you! You are in my prayers.
I remember hearing that waiting is not passive...but very active. It takes energy! Hang in there and rest in the Lord for His perfect timing.
I hope in sharing you've unburdened yourself a bit.
What a special thing that transpired between you and your daughter. You can't buy or imagine these kinds of gifts. You must be a very amazing mother.
Waiting has got to be so hard! I'll say prayer for the birth mom, but I will also say a prayer for you.
It sounds like such an emotional roller coaster. I can only imagine how difficult the season of waiting can be. May God's perfect timing and sovereign plan be your comfort as you continue to wait.
I hardly know what to say. Except that I will be praying and checking back in for updates.
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