Our Journey Continues

Hello friends!

Last summer Clint and I went to an amusement park for a day. We went on an off day and so the crowds were quite small. Because of this, we were able to ride one roller coaster after the other. Like NO wait time.

This is how my life feels right now.

A week ago yesterday we got a call about a baby girl born in our area who needed a forever family. This little angel also had Down Syndrome.

Having a child with special needs was a thought that always scared me and yet in 2 days time God took me from a place of fear to excitement and desire.

Clint and I wanted this little angel.

To watch Him change my heart so dramatically was amazing. Though we didn't know what our future held raising this child, we KNOW Him. He promises to stay close - to hold us in His arms - to be faithful to us.

That is what we clung to.

On Thursday of that week, we found out that the agency that had authority over this child had a couple who was interested in adopting her. On that Friday we were to find out whether she was to be ours or not.

That was quite a day. My heart was full of all kinds of emotions. I cleaned like crazy because #1 I might be getting a baby that day and #2 I had a ton of nervous energy.

I wrote this in my journal that day.

Lord you are absolutely amazing! I have watched You completely transform my heart. Today I sit here anxiously awaiting the phone call that could indeed change my life. We want this baby girl so much - my stomach is in knots. I sort of feel like throwing up. Deep deep breaths Lord.

Lord I'm trying no to dream. I've been working like crazy around the house trying to stay busy. Lord, I've never experienced anything like this - my insides are crazy. Crazy!

I need You desperately - desperately. Lord please guard my heart. Prepare my heart.

As I was writing I looked down at the bottom of the page of my journal and it was like He reached out and gave me a huge hug.

It read "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Ps. 55:22

The call did indeed come that day and we found out that this other couple was moving forward. They were 90% sure they wanted to adopt her but were waiting until Wednesday (meaning yesterday) to get some paperwork signed.

Right before the call came, I had showered and even put on a brand new shirt. I was in the middle of curling my hair when the phone rang. As much as I was trying not to dream - I was preparing to go get this baby girl.

After I heard the news, I laid on my bed and just sobbed. Then I changed from my new shirt to an old shirt. My heart hurt so badly.

It's just a strange place to be when you go from fearing what you think God might be saying, to wanting to jump in with both feet trusting God more than your fear.

We were ready. We were excited. But God said NO.

Honestly it felt a bit like an Abraham/Isaac situation but we didn't get the outcome we hoped for. It's like the Lord was saying, Clint and Jami - do you REALLY trust me, enough to put yourselves out there and risk heartbreak? Do you trust me enough to give me complete control over your future?

Yesterday we found out for certain that this family is adopting this little angel baby who God used so mightily in my life.

I can tell you that He brought me to a place of peace before that. He filled me with such love for that precious little life - all I wanted was for her to be home. She needed to have a mommy and daddy to tell her that she is loved, chosen, uniquely crafted by God for a specific purpose and now she has a family. Praise God!

On Thursday (before we got 100% confirmation about this baby) we found out that there was another birthmother in our area who wanted a family with a child of another race. Our local social worker thought of us right away. Then I called up my social worker from Lifeline (our placing agency) to fill her in on the situation and she told me that there she had a birthmom who she wanted to show our profile to. So all of a sudden we had 3 potential opportunities.

While talking to a friend about this, I said, "It seems like I have someone knocking on my front door, my back door, and maybe my garage door too!" She was like "Jami, I obviously can't say what God has planned but it sure seems like something is iminent."

Shortly after I hung up the phone with her, my front doorbell rang. As I was making my way to the door I saw a UPS truck driving away. Clint and I looked at each other wondering what the other ordered.

Sitting on my front porch was a box. A box of BABY FORMULA - addressed to me - from Walmart!

Or actually I think it was from the Lord, Himself saying Jami I've got this all under control. Trust my plan.

So yesterday we got the confirmation that the little baby girl was NOT ours. And yesterday I called up my agency to tell them. "Well then I have something to tell you," was my social worker's response.

So friends, Clint and I just jumped on another roller coaster. We're not sure what the outcome will be. We have some serious things to think about but we could be getting a baby before the month is over!

Clink, clink, clink...