Waiting. Learning. Living!

Last night we were blessed to have four extra children in our home. My niece and 3 nephews. I love these kids!! All SEVEN children played amazingly well, so well that Clint and I spent much of the evening reading.

A couple of years ago, we didn't think this day would come. But they are now older and more able to play independently and they really love being together! That is a huge blessing!

Bedtime came and so I took the 3 boys and read Thomas the Train books (no surprise there) while Clint read to the 3 girls. The youngest of the clan just meandered from room to room, happily opening and shutting doors. I felt a little like breaking out a stunning rendition of The Brady Bunch but I refrained.

After kisses and hugs, I picked up the baby who is not really a baby anymore (soon to be 2) and took him to his room for the night. As I held him, I sang a little love song. Holding him there in my future baby's room, I felt an ache in my heart. Without really thinking, I starting singing "Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus." (I break out in song many times a day so that's not unusual!) But, the words of the song comforted me and again drew my eyes to my Jesus.

I just stood there for a time holding my sweet little nephew and lifted up an honest prayer to the Lord. It was a moment to cherish.

We still haven't heard from our social worker so I have no idea whether or not this birth mom has made a decision. By His grace, I'm choosing to wait with hope. Not necessarily a hope that we will get our baby soon (or even ever), but a hope that goes so much deeper. I'm hoping in Jesus and in His great and perfect plan that He has for our family and for me personally. I know that God is Good and I'm choosing to trust Him, more than my emotions and even more than my natural desires.

He is my greatest desire and I simply want to know Him more!

Our adoption journey is teaching me so many profound lessons and if we hadn't gone through the hurt, the disappointments, and the changes to my plans - I would have missed out on so much.

I honestly wouldn't change one thing because my eyes have been opened. I view life differently than I did before. It's in the letting go, letting go of our will and putting our faith in Him no matter what, that true LIFE is found! And this is what I must continue to remember. That even now, when the waiting seems long and tiresome, He has more to teach me. And I want to learn. I don't want to miss a thing.

Our story does not end when we get baby. Yes, baby will bring about a new chapter, one I look to with great anticipation but my baby is not what my soul really longs for. Jesus alone answers the cry of my heart.

The journey is the destination (where did I hear that saying before?). I'm not trying to steal credit for that line but I will say it again. The journey is the destination and I want to fully experience Him along the way!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."