As we wait...

Last night Raegan, dear dear Raegan woke me up at 12ish and then again after 2am. From about 2:00 to 5:30am I don't think I slept much AT ALL.

Mainly because I was thinking.

Thinking about my baby who I have yet to meet.

I have to say that my arms are starting to ache for my babe. Last week my little nephew (4 mo. old) and his fam came to stay at our house for 2 nights. I absolutely delighted in holding him. He is completely precious.

But it also made me realize how I can't wait to hold MY baby.

The other night we saw a show where an African American women gave birth and then gave her baby to the adoptive family. That obviously hit home.

I've been up two nights in a row (with Raegan - not sure why) and I'm starting to think, this is what it's going to feel like with a newborn again!

I have so many questions:

Who is our child?

Is our baby a boy or a girl?

Is he/she born yet?

How is his/her birthmom doing?

Will we meet our birthmom?

When will this happen?

How will the bonding process go?

Will our baby be fussy - will he/she calm immediately in my arms?

How is this crazy, wonderful, amazing thing of adoption going to play out this time around?

How thankful I am that I am in relationship with Jesus Christ - the one who knows all the answers and so much more!! I find immense comfort in this.

But I'm starting to feel that deep longing in my heart to just know, hold, love my child.

Truly - this process has been much less emotional (thus far) because we don't know who are child is yet. With Hudson - we watched him grow for 10 months from a distance. That was painful, yet I wouldn't change a thing - that time was so refining in my life - God knows what we need.

But now that I know that the time COULD be near - I'm feeling those emotions kick in more.

But I have some fears too. Fear of the unknown - how is it going to be adding #4.

Life is busy (good but busy) how will I adjust? Lack of sleep isn't very flattering on me...how will that be? I haven't had a baby for over 4 years. Hudson was 10 months old when he came home so we really just picked up and kept on going with life. (I should have stopped but didn't and that wasn't healthy either).

I do plan to do things differently this time. I'm taking 2 weeks off - no teaching, no babysitting, just getting to know and enjoy my baby!!

Soon, we'll be going back to bottles, diaper bags, infant car seats, formula, more diapers, oh my!

But I'm ready (I think) and incredibly excited (I know) to start all of this over again.

Until God says it's time - I will continue to wait, trusting that HE knows best. He has the perfect plan, of this I am certain. He taught me that through our last adoption process. God is GOOD and He is worthy to be trusted! Praise Him!