What is He saying?

My life is busy...I'm not alone in that sentiment I know.

Lately - I've been encouraged by my man to take a hard look at what I'm filling my time with and cut out some things. This is hard for me to do. I am realizing that in many ways - I feel like I have more value when I am involved in this or that.

It's easy for me to identify myself with certain things and then not want to give them up because of pride or fear that I will lack purpose if I do. Something that really hit home with me at She Speaks was the fact that I have a lot of pride in me.

Ooooh that hurts to say...or does it. Actually it is quite freeing.

I've always been pretty open about my struggles - in some ways I've taken pride in the fact that I admit to my, well pride. Pathetic I know.

I'm trying to be more vulnerable. Trying to really listen to God and obey His still small voice. When I have - I've experienced Him in amazing and new ways and I've been so blessed.

Here's an example: When we first arrived at She Speaks - P31 speaker, Luann Prater told us about the prayer room. She strongly encouraged us to go and spend some time there. The P31 team had been praying over each of us who would be attending the conference.

On tables in the room were the names of God listed on pieces of paper. Around these were little slips of paper with each one of our names on them. The P31 team had placed each one over a Name of God.

I was quite curious to see where my name would be placed. On Saturday I decided to go in. I had seen many women come out crying and I didn't really feel like it! My heart was pretty proud...I wanted to see my name but didn't feel the "need" to spend much time in there.

It took me awhile to find my name but when I did - I was a little disappointed. I wanted this moment to be big like "WOW, Lord I totally know what you're saying to me."

My name was placed over the verse that dealt with false Gods and how He is the one true God.

I decided to take a seat and talk to Him for a bit. As I did - He said (not audibly of course)...Jami, are you you're own false god? It took be aback and I was about to figure that out when a P31 volunteer walked in and gently said - "If anyone wants me to pray with them, I'm here."

I caught her eye, smiled and then looked down - thinking "I don't need her to pray with me. I know my issues..." But again I heard my Lord softly say - Ask her. You do need her. Humble yourself and allow someone to bare your burden.

So I did. I looked up and said "I'd love it if you'd pray with me." She came over and asked what was going on in my life.

It was at this point that the floodgates of my tears opened wide!

I told her how I do feel this desire to speak but I'm so concerned that I will get in the way. My struggle was how do I KNOW that God is calling me to this as opposed to me just wanting attention, etc. She prayed with me and I walked out of there feeling very blessed.

This is something I still struggle with, but I do feel more certain that God has placed this desire to speak in my heart. He will use it for His glory and not for my own. It's not about me.

I really want to be used of Him in small and big ways, with one woman - sharing heart to heart or with a group. Whatever He has planned - I'm ready. Lord stick with me though, okay!

What has he put on your heart today?