facing your fears

The "A" word used to scare me. The very thought of adoption made me uncomfortable. It was not in my plan. It was not what I wanted. I'll never forget the day when our first born, Paige was a baby and I was listening to a radio broadcast featuring Steven Curtis and Marybeth Chapman. They were sharing their adoption story, their journey to Shaohannah. I was folding laundry but can still remember right where I was standing when I whispered a desperate prayer to Jesus. "I hope you're not trying to tell me something Lord."

I was afraid of the very thought that He might have adoption in our future.

As time went on though, we started hearing more about the dreaded "a" word and began seeing adoption in action. My parents started an orphan care ministry now known as Lifesong For Orphans and a few friends of ours began the process of adoption.

The first time I saw our friend's newly adopted son in church, I thought, "He's a real child." I saw a face to what I had so greatly feared. An adorable face.

Slowly, my fear began to fade and it was replaced with curiosity and that curiosity turned into a desire that deepened into passion. After much prayer and many conversations, Clint and I believed that God was calling us to step out in faith and obedience.

But even after saying "yes," I struggled. "How do you know for sure that God is calling us?" It's like I wanted this big lightening bolt from the sky that said, Clint and Jami should adopt. I didn't want to mess it up. Clint's response to me was always the same. "Jami, God says it's a good thing and if He's given us this desire, we should go for it." (Clint has always been able to see through my wavering emotions and make things seem clearer. I am so thankful for him!)

That was just the beginning of our journey to our son. It's been almost 3 years since he's been home now (August 16th is his gotcha day!!) and we love our Hudson so very much!

Sometimes I think about the what ifs. What if we had been too afraid? What if we had said "No." What if we weren't willing to trust God and get out of our comfort zones?

Adoption is not easy - the emotions are intense (both the good and the bad). It is a painful, stretching, and joy filled journey. There are still many questions about the future and unknowns about his past. But this I know. God knows. He is in Control and has gone before us and will guide us continually.

In His amazing wisdom and love, He took a darling baby boy from Guatemala and a young family of four from Illinois and called them family. And I am forever grateful to Him!

Interesting to note: A couple of years after I first listened to that radio broadcast with the Chapmans, I heard the very same one replayed again. This time, I was holding my baby boy and as I rocked him to sleep I thought, "Lord, I am so grateful and humbled that you called us to adopt!" Amazing God.

So friends, I don't know what journey the Lord has for you. And I'm not saying it's adoption (or foster care for that matter) but maybe it is. Fear is big and ugly, but God is so much bigger. His ways are infinitely higher than ours and His blessings abundant to those who say "yes" to Him!