I look at him with a teasing eye and he squeals with delight. He knows me. He is safe in my arms. His giggle makes me laugh and when he sees me, he wants me. I have only known him for four months yet the Lord has been preparing my heart for him for much longer. Two years ago, we began down the road toward a domestic adoption but the Lord had foster care in our future. Little did we know then but how thankful we are now. Baby B will celebrate his first birthday with us this month. It may be the only birthday we get to celebrate with him.
I live with this reality that he will likely be going home. Home to his mommy and daddy. I love this little guy. He feels like mine and I love him like he is. I am in every tangible sense his mommy and yet I'm not. I'm his foster mama. When I think about him returning home, my breath catches in my throat and my stomach turns. I have no idea how that will feel, for any of us but I can't dwell on that kind of thinking. What I can do and must do is lock my eyes on Jesus, the One who called us to this foster care journey and the One who will take care of us all along the way.
I don't always cherish the gift of today as I should, but for now I am thanking God for this very moment and for my precious baby B.
5 comments:
I just love reading your blogs & yet this one speaks of some of the same feelings I went through. His plan wasn't always mine, but I can look back & thank him for letting us touch the lives of 27 kids. All who I carry in my heart.
I still instantly get tears the moment I think about the phone call to bring Mikail back.. it is beautiful and awful at the same time. I am so glad you are on this journey! Love, Jenny
Beautiful. I officially started my volunteer position today w/ DHS. I helped supervise 4 parent/child visits at the DHS office. The passion I felt inside during those visits was overwhelming. I know without a doubt that God has called me to work with foster children. God willing someday I can be a foster parent also. You are a blessing Jami.
thanks girls - it's good to hear from those who have gone before. and Gina - that is so exciting! I love your heart for foster care! I'm sure you will gain some incredible insights from those times in the visit rooms. lots of opportunity to pray for people and love. you are a blessing to me too. your coments always encourage me!
I know this is an old post but it is exactly how I feel right now. Thanks for writing.
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