Stepping Out

I knew it was going to be a busy day with grocery shopping, our caseworker coming over for a meeting and a family meeting at our agency and I was tired before it started!

The family meeting typically consists of birthparents, caseworker, supervisor, CASA worker, and foster parents (that's us!) Clint wasn't able to make it this time and I just had this burden about it. I needed prayers and wisdom and I didn't fully understand why. Well, the Lord knew and He was definitely preparing me ahead of time. (I just love the way He works!)

Anyway, after some discussion, "S" our foster son's grandma and foster mom to their sister "L" started sharing. With tears in her eyes, she explained that because of a recent bad report from her doctor and increasing symptoms, she is unable to take care of 2 year old "L" anymore.

"D" their birthmom immediately ran out of the room in tears and I sat there saddened and bewildered and I knew what this meant for our family as well.

God has been preparing us for this moment. We have had a heart for sweet "L" from the beginning just had the feeling that someday, she would be added to our ever growing clan. And yet as the reality of that thought sank it, fear crept in right alongside.

d

Knowing I couldn't commit to anything without talking with Clint, I left the agency and started driving home. I felt numb in a way and also so sad. Not sad for us but for S and D. I thought back about how D just sobbed and sobbed in her mother's arms. Our kids' parents have been struggling, they seem to getting back on the right track but they still have a long way to go. Now D has to deal with the reality that her mom is very ill. That breaks my heart.

On the way home, I turned on the radio and when the song, "By Your Side" came on, I knew the Lord was speaking directly to my heart because this song has been a constant source of encouragement starting back when we were praying about adopting a baby girl with Down Syndrome.

After talking with Clint that night, I saw the same look of shock and realization in his eyes that I had felt earlier in the day. (This was also the day we sold our old home...when it rains it pours!) Needless to say, we knew what our answer had to be - we couldn't imagine saying no.

I am very aware of my weaknesses and my inabilities but even more I am confident in the strength of my Jesus. He promises grace and He will give us more. I sat with Him that day and journaled my thoughts.

August 24th, 2010

"Lord, I am overwhelmed and shaky. Just got back from the family meeting... I know "L" needs to be with us, but it is overwhelming and scary. I feel weak. I can't do this on my own, nor would I want to. I know Your grace is sufficient but I need more. I know You will provide. I do have some excitement as I know You will creatively care for us. I can't wait to see that.... There is nothing You can't do. I need You so desperately. I've been asking for more dependence on You. I didn't have a clue this would be and yet You've been preparing me too..."

And so, with excitement and trembling hands we step out again into His ever capable arms. Starting officially on Tuesday, September 2nd we will have 6 delightful children ages 7, 5, 3, 3, 2, and 1! ((Deep breaths, deep breaths!!))

Thank You Jesus for this amazing plan you have for us. Thank You for being ever faithful and so Absolutely AMAZING!! May You be glorified!